My awesome friend David, who runs Culture of Soccer, wrote an entire essay about my pho eating abilities! I like to think that I’m the kind of person who inspires people to eat and to eat with love till your tummy expands full of bursting love bubbles. Some people invent things, some people save the world - I inspire people to eat! Here’s a picture of Pho Baby that David refers to in his essay about ME!
An Essay About Tricia Wang, The Pho Eating Champion
by Sir Dr. David Keyes, Expert Phoysics Analyst
Tricia Wang is a pho eating champion. Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut may wow us with their hot dog eating abilities, but that’s just speed and quantity. They both lack what Tricia’s eating has in abundance: style.
Tricia knows everyone who works at Pho Ca Dao. And it’s a good thing that she is able to win them over with her unique brand of charm because otherwise they would look at her like the crazy pho lady that she is. It would behoove Pho Ca Dao to put in an alert system notifying its staff of Ms. Wang’s arrival because her pho consumption may require the use of a separate kitchen. More on that in a minute.
First, you should know that Tricia wears a bib when she eats pho. She may be crazy but she keeps her clothes clean.
Second, you should know that Tricia likes to order #18 large with less noodles and meat on the outside. (Oh yeah, she also likes to order spring rolls with shrimp, but who cares really? You ever seen a blog called Fuck Yeah Spring Rolls! Yeah, me neither.) But the really amazing thing is what she does with all the fixings. I don’t know exactly how many plates of basil, bean sprouts, mint, onions, and cilantro she orders, but more than you think can fit in her bowl of pho. Seriously, folks, huge quantities of this stuff. And then she just heaps it into her bowl. Fortunately, the green stuff shrinks in the hot water (which also cooks the meat as she adds it), leaving her room to add more. And more. And more. And more. Did I mention she likes to add a lot of vegetables?
Tricia is not a fast eater. In fact, she’s quite a slow eater. She savors her pho. She searches for new pho puns (it’s getting progressively harder to come up with new ones). She comments on other people’s pho eating prowess. She adds more vegetables. She runs out of vegetables. She asks for more vegetables. She adds more vegetables. And she keeps eating.
Tricia complimented me for the similarly slow pho-eating pace I employ. But soon compliment turned to insult as I committed a huge pho (10 points for me!) pas: I added more vegetables to my bowl than I could eat. Tricia’s level of indignation only rose when I told her that yes, in fact, I was finished and would not be eating the rest of the cilantro I had added to my pho. “Well then why did you take the cilantro?” she asked, annoyance dripping from her tongue. I had no answer.
But things did not end badly. Any pho trip with Tricia has a “happy ending:” Tricia’s pho baby. It’s like watching one of those time lapse videos of plants growing; in the course of a meal, you get to see her stomach expand before your very eyes. By the time her bowl is empty, Tricia has quite the baby bump. Walking to cashier yesterday after our pho adventure, she turned to me, looked down at her belly, and said, “how many months?” Four at least, I’d say.
It’s a good thing that, as Tricia herself puts it, “my stomach is very expandable.” Without that, the pho experience with Tricia Wang would not be what it is today: un-pho-gettable.
